For the first time in forever, I noticed myself feeling . . . happy. Content, even. Today I found myself not dreading the future. I wasn’t thinking about how I’ll probably never get the things I want, or my approximation of a happy ending. I felt . . . joy. For the first time in forever, I thought that my story would take a happy turn, and things will get better soon
If you’re new to my writing, you won’t have seen the short series of blog posts I made on my previous blog. The series starts here and continues on for a few posts, detailing just a small amount of my depression and bad living situation. It’s been so long since I’ve been happy without it being caused by a particular item or event that it felt truly foreign to me at first. Eventually the normal feelings came crashing back down, but it got me thinking. Is this how most people feel every day? Are these happy feelings normal for others? Do people think nothing of feeling like things are going to be okay?
I can almost recall feeling like this when I was younger, and carefree. I remember being happy about day to day things, but not how it feels to be happy unless I’m looking forward to something specific. I first recognized what I was feeling as being depression back in Jr. High, and since then I have had little to be happy about on the average day. So when I noticed this lightness to my thoughts, I stopped. I actually stopped what I was doing, and thought ‘woah, this is new’. It made me feel like something good was going to happen, even if I had no idea what.
I spoke to my friend, and told her that I think I honestly forgot what it feels like to be happy in a day to day situation, and she confessed that she feels the same. Is it our generation? Is it the fact that we were both diagnosed with depression, and therefore are more likely to feel similar things? For the first time in forever, I wondered if my normal is actually abnormal for the majority of the human race.
But then, perhaps this is everyone’s normal. Maybe my friend and I aren’t alone in our feelings of despair and crushing defeat in life. We all struggle, we all feel down from time to time, but do people really have mostly happy days?
Leave a comment below, and tell me what side of the mental fence you’re on.